The Power Play You’re Missing
Something happens when you reach an inflection point in your career - the exact point when you think you’re about to breakthrough. You’ve worked hard to get here. You’ve been the assistant to a rockstar, you’ve struck out on your own, you’ve got your first clients and after losing out a number of times, you’ve finally achieved some recognition in your industry such as a promotion or awards. And then something happens…
You’re blocked. At the rising midpoint of your career, just when you should be a real power player in your world, doors keep closing left, right and centre. This is what happened to my friend Joanna, who called me this week when some doors mysteriously kept closing on her.
"It’s because you’re not the host," I said. "You’ve been operating like a lone wolf and it’s gotten you crazy success! You’re rich but you’re not powerful. You’re missing social power."
The thing about power is that it comes in many forms. According to sociologist Michael Mann's theory, power is ideological, economic, military, and political - "The IEMP model" for short.
Ideological - the ability to plant ideas in the mind of your world is key. I focus on it when I’m sharing my vision for the world. However ideological power is useless when you don’t have social power and in order to have social power you need to Be The Host.
This concept is from the book The Kremlin School of Negotiation. They say the key to winning is to "be the host"—the one who controls the room sets the tone, and guides the conversation. In the book, the role of the ‘host’ is the one who asks the questions; the ‘Guest’ is the one who answers them. The ‘host’ enquires; the ‘Guest’ offers. When I am the host, you offer me something, and I’ll choose if I want it.
My friend was way too much on the back foot. She was acting as the Guest. She was waiting for clients and waiting for work and taking almost everything that came her way because she was worried (because she was not yet in her power) that she wouldn’t get her next job again. Her reputation as a rising star meant the inbound was high, but she didn’t ask the questions, she waited until people came to her and took whatever job was presented to her.
So how do you transition from Guest to Host?
